I forgot...

I forgot to write last night. Well, not really. I didn't forget--I think I chose not to because I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. That happens a lot with me.
It's sunday morning and a part of me wishes I was back home going to the church that I love with my family and then going to fido with my sister and rachael afterwards, sitting in an over-air-conditioned booth or next to the place by the window where my name is carved to people-watch and dub over people's conversations across the street. but im here. and it's an uncomfortable feeling to be here. i realize that im not bold enough, not yet sure, strong enough in so many ways. I'm scared to say what i believe anywhere because i'm afraid to offend then then not make friends. but this truth is at the core of me. its like this suppression that im doing for no reason besides the fact that im afraid of what people think of me.
so that's whats in my heart.
today i woke up and i could hear singing across the street from a church choir--it was one of the most beautiful things i've heard. the voices were all one together, rising and falling sort of like a tide and everyone sang so loudly and fully. funny. there's a lot that i want to write, but at the same time i have a habit of opening my mouth about anything and not mulling it over inside first to make sure i say what i think in the right words
blah. there are no right words.

i have to read a whole lotta today. but today will be good. im convinced. ill write more tonight