this should probably be untitled because just because

i'm not perfect. i can't be. and its just that simple. I think the other day in class i started to get freaked out when i was writing because i was afraid that it wasn't going to be good or profound or even interesting. i find myself in that situation a lot--wondering what people will think abut something that i do or i say and then just worrying about it all the time. i realized, or more just thought about today that if i want to become a better wrier, i have to start writing. it doesnt just come to people who are excellent writers--this magical power and swayoover words--they have to work at it, master it, just rein the words and harness them. its such a fun thing when you learn how to do it--not that i know because i don't but just those times that you come pup with a great word or sentence after gureling over it for 2 hours is osmething that is fun--i mean after the fact of course. i can't spell very well either. i thought i could because i got 3rd place in the 3rd grade. then again i lost for not spelling liquid correctly so that tells you a little about my spelling.

so i've been thinking lately...

first off, i'm not crazy for saying this. ok, so i've been thinking a lot about time lately. like what it is and if it's really relevant. i think that people think of time as this spiral staircase that humanity is constantly climbing--reaching new floors and new advances, but the staircase spirals the same way, its shaped the same---basically it's this cycle. and i think time is like peanut butter.
it's like when you get your Skippy non-chunk peanut butter out on a knife and spread it out over a piece of bread--this vast (to an ant) plane of something that ebbs and flows and spans out flat--not like a staircase. I think i've started to view time as something that is the present and that's what matters. i mean, it's so much trouble to worry about tomorrow or my future or who i'm going to marry or what im going to do in my life when i know those plans are going to change inevitably. and i'm thihnking about how cool it is that i've lived on this earth for 20 years and thats the same earth that flappers lived on, that great actors and singers and political leaders and fighters and peace-makers lived on--its not something that's in the past--its just on the other side of the plane--but its flat and it's spread out the same. and i think that's really cool.
someone was telling me about how when the astronauts go out into space and look down at the earth and its just this beautiful messy swirling mess that we all are just here on, out of all places, all of humanity has lived, loved, experienced on this earth. i mean because, in the end, we're really all the same. just these bodies wandering around trying to find a purpose, loving, giving, leaving. i think thats more reason to live with such a keen, heightened sense towards aliveness.
i love peter pan: "to live would be an awfully great adventure."