wendybirdstory

what an aweful (in the fullness of awe sense of the wword) kind of adveture would it be to just pick up and drop through the earth,to hold your breath and let your toes mingle with the sands of soil until you are no more but a part of teh gardenia dirt under the feet of old women in their overgrow overloved gardens. How I wish I could hold my breath for as long or even longer than I used to when I was six and I would drop to the bottom of the shallow end of the pool and open my eyes to this silent, bubbly bright world around me while my cheeks puff out even further, teh air pushing against my body beckoning to return to the surgace. But I want to stay sunk. Sunk underwater where there are no words, just the beauty of mothers swimming by with their ruby red painted toenails, holding up their little babies who can't seem to understand that floaties, not mamas arms are what are keeping them above water. Everything is still when you sink--except it's also so alive, but in a sort of slow motion, fighting agains this force that wants to keep everything calm and still and soft.
I want to layin my bed right now and not feel pulled down from the springs like tentacles coming up through my cotton brentwood 900 count sheets to strangle me. I want to sink lower and lower like into a mold of myself and drop to the other side of the world. take a tripw here my heart is for once out of my chest and working to stay alive, and where my stomach jumps up and does acrobats in my throat. I love that ffeeling. crave it in fact. everyone should once in a while. i[m not scared of what's ahead...i'm afraid like a little kid would be. but i don't know when. thank God he has a plan even though right now i feel like becoming mush and sinking through the cracks. Thank God for love and beauty and silence.