i think that was the most rediculous title that this post could follow, but it doesn't really matter. i think i'm stretching and im not adapting well to this change at all. I feel either like my veing is just wanting to be free of my body and i'm just bursting at the seams to escape the one thing that i can't-myself. either that or my skin is just hanging off of my bones while this little light, this meager ember of a person is perched inside my ribcage just barely fighting to hang on. tht sounds so rediculous and depressing, but i guess i can't really describe it. one thing that i know is true--londliness is the worst feeling that the human soul can experience. it's such an odd thing too. we have all these people around us, begging to be loved, to be a part of other people's lives to be "a small piece of furniture" in someone elses life and yet we're too afraid to ask. i'm too afraid to call anyone, to be vulnerable, to say ntohting and everything all at once. i'm afraid that if i tell someone something, they won't want to be near me for fear that i'll unload on them everytime we see each other...and i don't want that because i won't. it's hard to think about what true friendship is---and if in fact, the friends that you have are true friends. the ones that won't care if you cry around them. the ones that you can sit for hours just saying nothing. the ones that you want to just be there and they know that all they have to do is be present. they don't have to fix. they don't have to advise. they just have to be. those few friends that i do have like that, the ones i can really be awkward or quirky or weird, or unladylike, or childish around--those are the ones i want.
i think i've realized in the past few years how importatn friends are and how sometimes you have those friends who blur into the realm of family, and that's just a beautiful thing.
this rambling makes no sense, but i'm not trying to be a novelist, so it's ok.
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