home again home again, jiggity jog

i'm back home in my bed--which alone is the size of my room in brooklyn, well almost. home still smells vaguely of cat pee in the summer time even though the last cat died last year--the smell will linger here for.ev.er. but i guess that's why i have a fan in my room and the choice to either use electricity or air conditioning--i choose the latter.
since coming home, i've gotten a job as a hostess at sambuca (thank heavens,) i've eaten at greasy greasy waffle house, i've gotten a few bear hugs, and i've been feeling uncomfortably old.
i don't know what this feeling is.
and i don't know how i feel about this feeling.

maybe i shouldn't psychoanalyze so much.
in other news, i'm going to experiment will the notion of not having to prove myself to people, but seeing what i have to give to them instead. also, just the idea of 'letting myself be loved' is something that is taking time to mull over. but i'm tired of closing my doors and pushing people away because i'm afraid.

so, i guess
i guess i'll just see what happens.

in other news, photobooth never grows old...especially on 20 hour car rides from new york to nashville.